Out Beyond Parm

I finally confronted him about his addiction to veal. In my youth, I was something of an anti-vivisectionist and was--and still am--appalled at the way calves are mistreated before they are slaughtered. But he is so far gone with this that I knew if I brought up the matter with graphic detail, he wouldn't even hear me. So I at first approached the matter gently and with consideration but, as he is generally oblivious to the most obvious things, he barely heard me. He wouldn't acknowledge his addiction; instead, he claimed he is merely a "creature of habit" and that I am wrong about his obsession with veal parm as he is quite happy to venture beyond parm and into, for example, scallopini, piccata and marsala and "what the fuck is wrong with you, Dolores?"

What is wrong with me??? Last weekend, he again inveigled me into traveling with him to Bucks County to sate his appetite, and it is just too far for me. And it wasn't the first time. That long drive in his little car all the way up and back on the Turnpike exhausts me. Plus, along the way, I have to listen to the same old stories--always about himself--and by the time we arrive at the enormous generic Italian restaurant, all I want to do is drink....I have no appetite at all. I'm beginning to wonder if the only reason he calls me is so that he will have someone (could be anyone) to join him for dinner.

The restaurant in Bucks County is basically the same as the one in his neighborhood, although the names are different. The menus are enormous, wine is served in carafes (so you know it originates in jugs), the waiters are always a pain in the ass and, sigh, I spend each meal watching him vacuum the veal off his plate with his mouth. It's no wonder I get drunk each time.

But here's the thing....yes, I am revolted by the horrific veal extravaganza before me, but at some point before it's over--and this happens every time--I look at him and--I just can't help it...perhaps because or in spite of my insobriety, I just cannot wait to get him home and into bed.

God, I am so fucked.